When you first get upset or angry with your significant other, there are almost always two problems: your emotions and the actual problem. For example, say you're frustrated with your partner for not doing the dishes. You now have two problems to solve: the dishes need to be done and you need to no longer be upset with your partner for not doing them.
In most other areas in life, we recognize that you need to prioritize your problems and deal with them separately. It only makes sense to do the same with your fights. Before you tell your loved one something along the lines of "For the love of crap, could you please do the dishes for once?!" you may want to make sure you're not one of those irrational people that make productive discussions difficult.
Sometimes the problems will simply be how you feel. "When you won't put your smartphone down at dinner, it makes me feel neglected" is just as legitimate of a problem as arguments over household chores. The important thing is to express the issue as something that the two of you can work together to resolve.
In most other areas in life, we recognize that you need to prioritize your problems and deal with them separately. It only makes sense to do the same with your fights. Before you tell your loved one something along the lines of "For the love of crap, could you please do the dishes for once?!" you may want to make sure you're not one of those irrational people that make productive discussions difficult.
Sometimes the problems will simply be how you feel. "When you won't put your smartphone down at dinner, it makes me feel neglected" is just as legitimate of a problem as arguments over household chores. The important thing is to express the issue as something that the two of you can work together to resolve.
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